SPEAC (Speaking for Parents/People Estranged, Alienated and Cut off)

Being cut off by a loved one is a terrifying experience.  The systematic and deliberate cutting-off of communication face-to-face, by phone, email, text and social media is highy traumatic and can leave people in a state of shock, abandonment, grief (as if they have been bereaved), depression, and trauma that can lead to Post Traumatic Stress and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

Having children alienated from you by an ex-spouse is equally devastating.  To be cut-off from your own child/children is appalling and unnatural.  Anyone who expects you to just cope with that as if it is okay has lost their sense of normality and humanity.

Sadly, the trauma is often added to by blame and shame, a heavy burden to bear on top of the awful pain of loss and the fear of never seeing a loved one again.  Estranged or cut-off parents or other people are often blamed and consequently made to feel ashamed for being responsible for the ‘breakdown in communication’ or another term onlookers might choose to use.  However, this is not always the case.  Being cut-off happens in many forms.

Being cut-off can happen when someone is coerced or manipulated by controlling individuals or families, cult-like groups, gangs, traffickers or others have who have an agenda for that person’s life.  Some new relationships will involve a girlfriend, boyfriend or spouse who encourages their partner to cut-off their parents, extended family and friends.  Cutting off parents, extended family and friends is one of the first signs that controlling forces are at work.

Cutting people off or in any way encouraging or being a part of alienating or estranging people is a form of long-term psychological abuse which is very damaging and from which some people never recover.  There have been several cases of suicides due to the daily trauma and fear of being cut-off and not seeing children again.

There can sometimes be extreme cases of abuse where a person is repeatedly emotionally abused, or they are in danger of physical harm, neglect or other injustices.  However, cutting parents or other people off because you disagree with them, they are angry with you, they get things wrong, or they are inconvenient for your lifestyle is cruel and abusive and leaves trails of devasted people and families.

There is a culture in our modern society which is increasingly prevalent and encouraged by social media that teaches young people and young adults especially to cut off parents, families, and anyone they might consider to be ‘toxic’.  However, this term ‘toxic’ can be applied very loosely to anyone you want it to, even to loving, older, kind, caring, normal people who might have helpful input into your life, even loving parents.

Let me say here very clearly, cutting off your own loved ones and friends is not normal behaviour.  Instead, we should always be encouraging communication to resolve issues and finding alternative ways to communicate if the usual ways are not working.  It is also possible to get help to find ways to communicate.

If you are being persuaded or supported in any way to cut-off your parents, family, friends, colleagues or others, please know that something is not right, and seek help from those who will encourage and help you find effective ways to continue communication.